Some Horse Fun
Please send us some of your favourity horse jokes - we'd love to share them with others.

Horse Jokes

Q.Why did the boy stand behind the horse?
A.He thought he might get a kick out of it!

Q: What disease do horses fear most?
A: Hay Fever!

Q: Why can't horses dance?
A: Because they have 2 left feet.

Q: What does it mean if you find a horse shoe?
A: Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

Q: What animal has more "hands" than feet?
A: Why, a horse, of course!

Q: What do you call pony with a sore throat?
A: A little hoarse.

Q: Do you know who wrote the book, "100-mile Horse Trek"
A: Major Bumsore

Q: How do you hire a horse?
A: Put a brick under each hoof!

Q: What breeds of horses can jump higher than a house?
A: All breeds. Houses don't jump

Q: A man rode into town on June 3rd, stayed a week, and rode out on June 3rd. How is this possible?
A: His horse's name was June 3rd.


STALL TALK
Three race horses stood in their stalls. One said to other others: "I ran 20 races and I won 15 of them!" he bragged. The next said with a snort, "Well, I ran 30 races and won 25 of them!" Then the third horse spoke up proudly, "Yeah, I ran 41 races and won 39 of them!" This seemed to settle the topic when the horses noticed a Greyhound outside their stalls. The Greyhound said, "I ran 100 races and I won 99 of them." The horses looked at each other in amazement and one gasped, "Wow! A talking greyhound!"

 
WHO CAN OPEN THE GATE?
This story takes you to a big pasture, filled with a lovely bunch of horses. A question has just been asked amid the herd. Let's listen in on the conversation among the many breeds of horses.

Lipizzaner: No need for opening it! When are you all going to learn how to fly?!!
Thoroughbred: I don't want to mess with that gate - I'm too scared of flying! I will just jump over it and leave you all behind.
Paint: Yeah, what he said! Na Na Na Na Na Na!
Palomino: Forget it. Count me out. I am not taking any chances of messing up my chrome!
Arabian: You'll have to get somebody else to do it. I'm not messin' up my nails for no one!
Quarter Horse: Maybe if I push on it with my big buns, I could open it!
Standardbred: Pity on all of you. I'll figure it out, just give me some time.
Polo Pony: Wait just a minute, let me get my stick and give it a few bloody wHacks!
Shetland: Let me at it. I'll break the stupid thing! Then you all can get out of my face.
Mule: Oh, let's just pack it in and call it a day.
Saddlebred: Now, now. I'll open it, if someone could help me with my shoes?
Fresian: I'll do it! Do you think it will mess up my hair? I always have such good hair days.
Mustang: Heck with opening it, how about I just run the whole darn fence over?
Belgian: Step back! You all aren't strong enough to do it. I'll do it. Oh, but what if I break it?
Morgan: There, there. I'll do it for you. No need to have such a big fit. Peace be with all of you. Is there anything else I could do for you after I get done with the gate?
Appaloosa: Oh, hush all of you! Ya big bunch of sissies. No one is leaving till I say so!
Percheron: I have already opened the gate while you all have been arguing! I even went down the next row and opened all the other gates. So it will be awhile before I have to listen to all of you argue again!


HOW MANY HORSES DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
Depends on the breed...

Any foal: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
Warmblood: Light bulb? What light bulb?
Thoroughbred: Just one. And he'll rewire the barn while he's at it.
Shetland pony: I can't reach the stupid lamp.
Morgan: Oh, oh, me, me! Pleeeze let me change the light bulb!!
Quarter Horse: Let him do it, you can pet me while he's busy.
Trakhener: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
Akhal-Teke: Zero! AT's aren't afraid of the dark!
Appaloosa: No, don't change it. If it's dark, maybe no one will see me raiding the feed room.
Arab: That's what we pay the help for. I'll just chew on his shirttail while he's at it.
Connemara: We'll just be after havin' a nip of the Bushmill's, we will, and then we'll not be noticin' the light.
Andalusian: Let the maid do it. I need to go roll in the mud.
Clydesdale: Och, and ye'll just be usin' up the 'lectricity, ye' will, better tae use a wee bit of candle...better yet tae not waste either and just gae tae sleep when the sun gaes doon. Electiricity is verra dear.


STORY OF OUR LIVES
We once lived in the house of our dreams. We had a summer cottage, went skiing during winter. Our car was new and we drank good red wine every Friday and Saturday evening.
Then our daughter began to beg for a horse, and we bought her a lovely chestnut mare. My wife also got interested, so she got a mare too.
End of red wine.
Then it turned out that my daughter's mare was so good, that we had to have a foal by her. When the time of the delivery approached, my wife and daughter were heartbroken, - how could we live in a place where we could not keep an eye on her?
End of house.
We moved to an old, draughty, little farm with some land for horses. But now my daughter could not ride her horse, so we had to buy her another one, end of new car that year. So now we had 4 horses, could not leave the place.
End of skiing.
My daughter turned out to be a talented rider. Needed to have some lessons and bring her horse along, oh Dad, can`t we have a trailer, well, we never had time to go to the summer cottage anyway, and if we sold it...
End of summer cottage.
So now we live in an old, draughty house, the car is 10 years old, we have not had a vacation for 8 years. And they say that the Icelandic horse is CHEAP!"
What can we learn from all this? - BUY A GELDING!!!


DANDY
My wife used to cook for me and serve it with champagne.
But now she'd rather feed her horse and fix him special grain!
She rides him every morning, and grooms him half the night.
And the last time that she kissed ME, was just to be polite!

He dresses better than I do, with matching wraps and ties.
My wardrobe's so neglected now, that I attract the flies!
One day my wife was shopping, she was way down at the mall.
And fancy, pampered DANDY was just a standing in his stall.

He looked so smug and sassy, that I began to grin.
I'd saddle that fat sucker up, and take him for a spin!!
I've wondered since if the cues I gave, he may have misconstrued.
Cause when I climbed aboard that horse, he rightly came UNGLUED!!!

He bucked and spun, and snorted fire, then threw me through a fence!
I saw big stars and there are 6 teeth, that I ain't heard from since!
My wife came home and saw me, just a lying in the dirt.
She rushed up to her HORSE and asked him, "Sweetheart are you HURT?"

He'd scratched his nose a little bit, and the memory galls me yet......
She left me lying in the mud, and ran to call the VET!!!